the moments.

I heard something on the radio yesterday that really struck home.

Contentedness doesn't mean being content with your situation forever. It means being content with where you are and what you have in that moment. It's taking it all in stride, enjoying the things that you wish wouldn't change and even those things that you wish would change. Life goes too quickly for us to want the future to be here now.

I can't even tell you how hard this is for me to apply to my life. I struggle constantly to enjoy the things that I don't feel are important to where I want to be. Chem lab, I'm talking to you. But God gave me each and every moment of my life for a purpose, I would hate to waste one in any state other than joy.

So today, I'm reminded to treasure the life God gave me, the moments alone, and the moments shared. Those learning and those resting. For they are each uniquely crafted by the father who gives us life.

Amen? Amen.

power to comprehend

 So thankful for these beautiful words of Paul that remind me how treasured I am by the King of it all. 

For this reason, I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family on heaven and earth takes it's name.

I pray that according to the riches of his glory, he may grant that you be strengthened in your inner being with power through his spirit, and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith as you are being rooted and grounded in love. I pray that you have the power to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with the fullness of God.

Now to him who by the power at work within us is able to accomplish far more than all we can ask or imagine, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever.

Amen.
[Ephesians 4: 14-21]

zucchini-carrot muffins

Good Saturday my friends!
I'm kind of in love with Saturdays. I mean really though, who isn't? I got to lay in bed for a solid hour this morning and just play with my kitten.

Life=perfect.

So, school started....blegh. And in an effort to solve those back to school blues, I made you these!

Lately I've been on a muffin kick. What's not to love about portability, heartiness and a million different flavor options? 

Right, nothing. Muffins are the ideal breakfast food. 

Or anytime food, let's be real here. So because I've been loving muffins, I've been making them ALL the time. Banana-Nut. Lemon Poppyseed. Dark chocolate raspberry. Mmm. SO GOOD. 

But these, these take the cake. The first time I made these I knew that I had struck gold. All I can say is, go make them. I don't care what time it is. Midnight? Go for it. These are so worth it.

Super-moist meets delicately sweet in this hearty muffin. And it's got veggies in it. SCORE.

ZUCCHINI-CARROT MUFFINS

makes: 12 muffins

Dry:

2 c. Bob's Red Mill whole wheat flour

1 c. Bob's Red Mill quick cooking oats

3.5 tsp baking powder

3 tbsp raw turbinado sugar

1/3 c. xylitol or stevia (or more turbinado)

pinch of salt

1/2 large zucchini

1-2 medium carrots

Mix dry ingredients well to ensure even distribution.

Wet:

1/2 c. non-fat greek yogurt

1/2 c. no sugar added applesauce

1 c. non-fat milk

1 tbsp molasses

1 tsp vanilla extract

1 tsp almond extract

Mix well.

Preheat oven to 425 degrees.

Mix the dry and wet ingredients until just moistened and no more. Seriously, trust me. Stop yourself.

Evenly distribute the batter among 12 muffin tins. Top with oats, turbinado sugar or both!

Pop in the oven for 5 minutes and then turn down the oven to 375 degrees for an additional 15-18 minutes or until a knife comes out clean. 

Remove from muffin tin after a few minutes, as these will be a bit soggy if you let them sit. 

EAT. Warm is better for sure. 

As my dad would say, "there's a whole salad in here!"

Enjoy your saturday friends!

treasures

I won't even bother to say it's been awhile.
It's ridiculous...
But I needed time. Time to grow. Time to heal and time to refocus on what I treasure.

I treasure family, getting to spend time with my family this summer has truly been one of the greatest joys. I love seeing them for who they are, for being able to share long walks and breakfasts with my sweet sister. For finding that my little brother grew up when I wasn't looking and learning what it's like to be friends with my awe inspiring parents. I am blessed.

pretty much where our whole summer was spent. fixing up this beauty! 

I treasure life. I love living things because they remind me of my own humanity. As I sit here with my brand spankin' new kitten helping me type this post I see how true this is.
DS[;''[ <--- courtesy of Fitwilliam. Fitz for short.

still sporting his battle scars from his encounter with a car. obviously he's pretty spunky.

I treasure God's grace. For I am wretched and he somehow knows exactly how to prod my growth and  increase my dependence on his precious and undeserved love.

I treasure new beginnings.

I treasure doing the "backwards" thing, because it's teaches me to make me own path and don't look back.

I am blessed beyond measure in what I have been given. Here's to treasuring all that makes your life worth living.

mocha almond granola-the namesake post.

do you know how wonderful it is to have an oven?

this wonderful...

yeah. 

homemade granola anyone? No, really, it's fine if you don't want any, I'm sure I can single-handedly consume it all. I may let my sister help a little bit. Maybe. 

Aren't you excited that I'm finally posting a recipe? This one has been a looonnngg time coming, so I'm ecstatic that I could create a no-added-oil and no-added-sugar recipe that tastes amazeballs and has CHOCOLATE in it. 

perfection.

Just a forewarning, it's not super sweet, which I personally adore about this recipe. But if you like your granola a bit sweeter, consider adding a touch of honey or agave which will sweeten it right up!

just look at those clusters. BEST.DARN.PART.

So here it is, get ready for granola heaven.

MOCHA-ALMOND GRANOLA

serves 4+

Dry:

1 c. rolled oats (I use Bob's Red Mill gf)

1 tbsp. golden flax seeds

2 tsp. chia seeds

1/4 c. raw whole almonds

2 tbsp. unsweetened cocoa powder

1-2 tsp. coffee grounds (to taste)

1 tsp. ground cinnamon

Wet:

1/2 c. unsweetened applesauce

1/2 tsp. pure vanilla extract

Pre-heat to 375 degrees.

Mix dry ingredients thoroughly.

Add in wet ingredients.

stir-stir-stir.

Spread on a parchment paper lined baking sheet, make sure it's not flat like a granola bar type thing. Which, though it could work if you baked it less...isn't granola. Shocker.

Bake for approximately 20 minutes. Stir it around about halfway through.
Turn down the oven to 300 degrees and bake for another 10-15 minutes. Watch to make sure it doesn't get too toasty for your liking!

DONE.

Eat. Share or don't. Be happy. 

Have an awesome Friday bloggies!

advice

On Saturday I was able to travel to my cousin's high school graduation with my family.
And goodness gracious, didn't I just graduate, like, yesterday? Yikes.

But anyways, I've noticed how easy it is to get stuck in your own darn world. To forget about the things going on around you and the joy that others experience in their big milestones, like graduation. I was so incredibly excited about my own graduation, I felt so adult and so ready to GO, to start my life.

But it's so easy to forget those feelings and to just let these huge moments for others pass right on by.

I'm trying to be intentional about expressing joy for those around me. It's so much harder than you would think.

Anyways... that's not what I was really planning on writing about. At my cousin's graduation there was a speaker, an entrepreneur and apologist who has an awesome presence on stage and what he talked about really struck a chord with me.

{freshman year: 2008}

He spoke about living between the walls of legalism and liberty. (yeah, if you couldn't tell, my cousin goes went to a smarty-party school) Well in this talk he spoke about advice that we would give our fifteen year old selves. Now, I know that I'm only nineteen, just four years past braces and freshman year, but I have some things I wish that I had known.

I would say that you, my dear, are not in control. God is, so give it up.

Life isn't easy. And unfortunately it only gets harder. But you know, it also gets more rewarding and more meaningful.

DON'T avoid or delete pictures. Ever. You may look like crap, think you look chunky or your makeup may be messed up (see 2009 picture above)...but each of those pictures captures a memory. It's a freeze frame that can bring a rush of thoughts, circumstances and feelings back and those are so precious.

Time passes quickly and defining yourself by the achievement of "big" events, like turning sixteen, graduating, or going to college makes it pass even faster.

{senior year: 2012}

There are lots of things that you will feel like you have to do. Most of them, you don't. Do things that strengthen your faith in God, bring you joy and serve others.

Just be yourself. Forget what the world says about what you have to be and how you have to act. You are special because of how you contrast with worldly ideals.

Abide.  Abide in the knowledge that even if you feel lost and have no direction, God knows. He knows your life, thoughts and prayers...but more importantly, he knows your future.

All these things I wish I would've know at fourteen. Now would I have listened? Um, nope, probs not. Would it mean anything to me at that point... also, probs not. Despite the fact that I didn't know these things then, here I am, able to see the value in all of my moments and to me, that's much much better than living a "perfect" life.

unsettledness

it's something we all face at some point, isn't it?

I've noticed it more and more at this stage in my life. This stage where there seems to be no sense of permanence, no settled-ness.

And I'm not going to lie, I hate it. I hate feeling like I don't really have a "place". I hate feeling like I'm in limbo, just waiting, transitioning.

I've been told multiple times that this stage is the stage of transition, that I should enjoy NOT having those responsibilities of being settled. And I probably should, well I know that I should...but I'm just so accustomed to being in a certain place and having a direction. It's just so weird to not feel that way.

This is something I've been struggling to find peace in, to acknowledge that this is the way that it's going to be and that I need to embrace God's plan for me, especially at this time when my life seems so hectic and temporary. I'm trying to be content in the knowledge that God's purpose for me may not be revealed immediately. I'm working to change my perception of this stage, from aimless wandering to purposeful formation of who I am.

Much much easier said than done, huh?

today

Guys, I literally just spent five  ten full minutes writing like three sentences of four different blog posts.

I know I have something to say, I just don't know how to best express it. Because the truth is, there are so many thoughts going on in my head right now. So many different things pulling for my attention.

Namely though, is the realization that today is my last night at the University of Texas. The last time I will wake up to those darn buses that drove me crazy ALL year. The last time I will get a salad from the salad bar. The last time to study in my favorite spots. And tomorrow is the last time I will take an exam here. 

Goodness, that's a lot of "lasts". 

But you know, strangely, I'm not completely heartbroken. Am I sad? Yeah, there are many things I will miss... relationships I worked hard to cultivate, dreams that I had stemming from attending this school, the pride and community that I felt by attending such a wonderful university with prestige attached to it's name. 

I don't regret any of it though. Coming here, trying what I have, learning what I've learned has helped me grow. It's helped me realize who I really am, but also who I'm not. This past year I have seen such immense growth in myself, how can I regret it? 

True, today marks the end of my time here. But if nothing else, I've learned that life is never stagnant. I've learned that each day is a chance at happiness and that you can't take for granted any one of those days. Life is more than the "big" moments, for they pass along just as fast as any other. High School, graduation, my freshman year of college (yikes!).

But gosh, guys I'm so happy. I'm so incredibly blessed to be given such an experience. To be allowed the opportunity to figure myself out a little bit more. To grow up a little. To change a lot and ultimately, to be able to see those changes. 

I don't have a clue what my future holds. I like to say that I do, because I feel the need to have "direction" in my life. But honestly, things in life change so quickly. In a flash, in an instant. So therefore, I'm trying to savor each moment, because there will never be one like it again. 

Hooray for life! And hooray for embracing each second you get to be here, mess up, learn and grow. What a gift!

figure me out.

I have this dear friend who once said to me that it's in our nature to be known.

And explaining that feeling to someone who has never experienced it is quite the task....but to be known is to be accepted. To be understood. To be seen when you need to be seen and invisible when you need to be invisible. It's to be you without holding back for whatever reason. It's to be recognized and loved.

It's to be known.

In my opinion, this is quite possibly one of the hardest things about life. We will never truly know anybody. Heck, will we ever truly know ourselves? It's rather frightening, because we desire that close relationship with people. If not for pure comfort, than for the sense of accomplishment that comes with that level of intimacy, because to really get to know someone, takes a lot of effort on our part.

But you know what? This is also the most wonderful part of life! That you are so completely unique, so utterly rare, such an odd conglomeration and mish-mash of things is completely individual.  YOU are the only YOU in the 7,083,280,365 people on Earth right now. (yeah, I looked it up) Our complexities, the reason it's so hard to know someone, makes us hard to figure out! And that's beautiful; because it means that you don't define yourself by what other people define themselves by. You have your own set of rules.

{Yes, I realize the picture is blurry.}

So be hard to figure out! Be inconsistent, irrational and individual. It's totally okay to want a motorcycle , hate parties and have an strange obsession with the small counterparts of larger objects (mini-cookware, anyone?). It's okay to be you, in fact, it's better. Goodness knows the world has enough people who are all trying to fit the "mold" of who we should be.

God sure as heck didn't decide to make me so you could look like Sarah or be more outgoing like Julia. He made you hard to figure out.

And friends, that's the best news I've heard all day.

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken."

-Oscar Wilde

finding joy.

If you haven't read this post, it's a good summary of what I've been dealing with the for past couple of months. So go ahead, hop on over there!

Or if you're too lazy and you didn't...like I would probably be, just keep reading.

JOY.

Before this year, I would never have defined myself as a joyful person. I was the cynical one. Sarcasm was my language, and if you didn't understand it or didn't approve of it, well, then we weren't the best of friends. That was how I defined myself.

It wasn't until this year that I realized the people that I most admired were happy and joyful ALL OF THE TIME. They seemed to constantly shine light from every aspect of their being. These people were amazing and beautiful. But that could never be me. That just wasn't my personality, I was simply better at being sarcastic, cynical and what I called a "realist" (my attempt to soften the idea of a pessimist).

So fast forward, this year has been a year of change. Of realizations and resignations. And the biggest and by far the greatest thing I've realized is that being filled with joy isn't a personality trait.

It's a life trait...it's the Jesus that shines from you. The moment you realize that there is a whole world outside of yourself. When you can look at someone else and see the beauty, the kindness, the Christ in them. When you can look up and the sun is shining and it's a good day, just because we can see it and feel His presence.

It's the ability to thank God for what he has given you, be it the trials that challenge and strengthen your spirit, or the cloudy days that make you appreciate the sun.

But these are the days.
The days that remind you that we live in a scary world, one that wants to break you and steal your joy.

Don't let it. Take it in stride, use it to appreciate those good days, the calm coffee filled mornings or the sweet time with your family and friends, and move on. I know, that's the hardest part. When it feels like the sadness, loneliness or heartache is going to last forever, believe me... I know. But in that moment look to God, I say a prayer and I just keep going.

I'll admit, I am so weak. This attitude isn't always present, but 2 Corinthians 12:9 says ""My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." So therefore let me boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

Boast about my weaknesses?! Crazy talk, I know. In this world we are taught to be strong and to never let them see you struggle, but only in our weakness can we show God's strength. That is the best news! I don't even have to be strong, I just have to let God do his thing and be filled with joy that he has saved me and sustains me.

Psh. Just try and be cynical now.

life lately.

In some ways I wish that I could tell you about how amazingly adventurous my life has been lately. 

That I've been exploring mountains, discovering new things, changing the world. But I've been realizing that this time of my life may not be like that.

{via here}

It may be characterized by simple pleasures, like the plant that sits on my desk and makes me feel like someone or something is waiting for me to get home.

Or the joy of new books that teach you everything you would or could ever want to know about food, cooking and baking. The kind of book that makes you actually want to take notes.

or edamame for a small change from the ordinary snack.

Or the many days that are spent like this. 

Coffee in hand, sun shining and textbook open. 

I read a quote once that said that you won't remember those nights you got enough sleep, or that time you actually got your homework done and turned in on time, those moments you actually felt prepared for a test. Etc. Etc.

While that may be true for some... I'm on a mission to remember those days. When everything seemed to go according to plan, when I was prepared for class. 

Because it was in these moments that I was at peace, that I could look to the sky, soak in the sunshine, stop to smell the flowers and thank God for what he has given me.

{via here}

what's life been like for you lately?

what you need to know about me.

Don't you wish that every morning could look like this? 

Yeah, me too. Like cinnamon lightly dusting frothed milk...can't get much better than that.

But, on to more important useful  things. Okay, on to other things. 

Have you ever introduced yourself to someone and talked a little bit about who you are only to look back and say "Oh! I should've said _{insert weird fact here}_!" .

Hm...Just me? 

Well, to remedy this, and because I was inspired by this amazing blog, I've compiled a list; a list of everything you need to know about me if we are going to be besties. 

Enjoy my eccentricities for a while, why don't you?

I will never for any reason give up eating dark chocolate. Like ever.

My favorite way to enjoy coffee is to drink it 10/14 coffee, 4/14 milk. Let me tell you, it's a science.

I hate drinking cold water. 

ANYTHING tiny, be it babies, animals, food, toys, you name it...I LOVE it. I. just. can't. stand. it.

My two favorite places to be are in the kitchen and in the sunshine.

Weddings make me giddy.

Hydrangeas are my all-time favorite flower.

I usually cry at least once a day. It's therapy.

I'm currently obsessed with figs and sugar snap peas. 

I love leather.

I'm all in favor of doing things that make you feel like a little kid, aka: jumping on the trampoline, dancing around, sock sliding...etc. 

I love burnt food. Especially popcorn.

I can't stand the way my fingernails look painted.

Anything fishy makes me gag, the smell, the taste. Ew. 

I hate overhead lighting. Lamps for the win.

The smell of Texas Mountain Laurels is quite possibly the best smell in the world. 

If I could eat breakfast foods for every meal of the day, I probably would. 

Going on walks is pretty much the best.

I could go thrifting all day and be completely satisfied.

Zucchini and squash make me want to vom.

I adore cottages

Fires in the winter make me think of home.

As a kid, I hated peanut butter and jelly together, popcorn and ice cream. Believe me, things have since changed.

I've always wanted to break a bone.

I hate wearing shoes, and therefore never wear shoes in the house.

Linen, lace and chiffon are my absolute favorite fabrics.

I don't like polka-dots.

I'm addicted to gum.

I want to start a garden.

My deepest wish is to live in a cottage in the mountains. There I can camp and hike all spring and summer and read books, craft, and cook by the fire all winter. Plausible right? 

There you have it. I'm sure those aren't all of my eccentricities, but hey...it's a start.

So, what about you?

resignations.

As I type this, there are probably about a million other things that I should be doing.
But now is not the time for those things. My sociology can wait, chapter 11 in my biology book will still be there in a little while.

 {Crystal Cove, California}

Right now, I'm going to what I need to do, which unfortunately for you all is spill my guts. Sometimes you just get to that point. We all know of it, and if you don't...you will. I didn't think I would, but God had other plans for me, obviously... This is the point where everything that has been so bottled up inside, all of the little white lies you tell yourself, making you feel more worthy than you are, the hurts and decisions that you face about school, friendships and the future.... and the uncertainty, insecurities and doubts, e.x.p.l.o.d.e. And I do mean explode.

Now, we've all had our little break downs. I've definitely had my fair share. But that's not what I mean. This, this is serious-- it's a big time blow up. Where your whole reality seems to be shifting and you feel so out of control that every little thing pushes you over the edge and into tears or hysterics (or both). You feel like a mental person. It is NOT pretty. It's NOT fun. And it's scary as all get out.

It was pretty much what I'd imagine Hell to be like. It consisted of me holding so tightly to everything I knew. The things that I thought were certainties. My grades, my personality, my relationships, and especially my future. This death grip caused me to be depressed and  I felt as if I was suffocating in my own life. (pretty bad, huh?)

 I'm ashamed to admit how much I had deceived myself, worse still, how many times I literally lied to the face of God--asking for him to take control of my life, but never really meaning it, because I was in control. Asking for the revealing of his plan to me, all the while having it all planned out in my head. I have literally said in prayer "God, all the glory goes to you", while I took it all for that "A" on my chemistry test, or the accomplishment of getting into a prestigious university because I worked my butt off in high school or studied however many hours for that test.

I'm thinking back now on all of these things that I had said but never meant, and I want to cry. I'm such a hypocrite and I'm so ashamed.

But then I think of God, our amazing Father, who loved me. He STILL loves me despite of all of this, he still forgives me. I'm his perfect daughter still. And I didn't have to do anything. Nothing. Diddly. Squat.

Now isn't that the most amazing news?!

Yes. Yes, it is.

Buuttt... you know what's even better than that?

The fact that we are so out of control. God knows what is going to happen in my life. Every. Last. Detail. Because he planned the whole dang thing! Everything that has happened to me, every "decision" that I had to make about which university to attend, what to major in was ordained by the one who literally gave up his life to save mine. MY life. Is any one else's mind blown by that? I am, by far, not the smartest, kindest, prettiest or worthiest in the world's eyes. But to him--I am.

To him, I am an empty vessel. To him I am a new creation. To him, I am blessed.

{Crystal Cove, California}

These past months has been rough. Really, extremely tough. I attribute that to trying to hold on to a fantasy that I have outgrown. That I'm the least bit in control. These next months will also be hard, as I adjust to living daily life with the idea that in God's scheme, my biology grade is barely a spec, if that. That my day to day activities still matter because they are shaping who I am and who I will one day become.

Despite all of this. I don't regret a moment. I don't regret any of the choices I've made. Because I don't think that I could have ever gotten to this point without those choices. Without the friendships I've formed and the struggles I have faced. They have all brought me here, where I can finally look at the future and be excited. I have no fear because I know that God's got it.

I'm learning, slowly but surely, to trust in God. I'm learning to go where he sends me, even if in the world's eyes it's strange or abnormal. I'm learning that every "decision" that I'm faced with is really a resignation to God's perfect plan. HE does all the deciding. And why wouldn't I want that? He sees all, knows all, and loves beyond measure every one of his children. I bet he knows just a little bit better than I what my future should hold.

So here's to the ensuing changes. Here's to the unknown. And here's to being blissfully shielded from all of that scary stuff by Christ's enduring love.

Oh yeah. And here's to coffee.